August 2010


I’m gonna see if I can crank out this blog post before the narcotic painkiller I just popped kicks in.  READY! GO!

I am very pleased to announce that Jon K is the lucky winner!  They retrieved a whopping 53 eggs!  That’s right, people.  I will beat personal records for human caviar production any day of the week.  My thanks to everyone who decided to play. Under the influence of my anesthesia cocktail, I apparently told my nurse about the betting pool like three or four times.  She was fortunately quite patient with me.

Anyway, Jon has quite vehemently insisted that I make the knit uterus into a hat, which should be easy to do with a few tweaks to the pattern.  My only request is that he sends some pictures of himself adorned with said hat.

Next post will probably be a while from now, once I find out more details about being shipped off to Arizona.  Until then…

Happy Egg Harvest Day!

Amigurumi!

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I am a genius when it comes to making eggs.

Seriously.  All the doctors at the fertility clinic are impressed.  For this cycle they’ve been consistently reducing my stimulation medication, seemingly to no avail, as my ovaries are hell bent on pumping out follicles at a mean rate.  I’m on the lowest dosage of stim meds of all my cycles but still producing more follicles than before. If human ova were a viable food source, I could probably turn things around for Somalia.  I wish they gave out awards for such things.

Anyway, it’s the same story you’ve all heard before.  My ovaries are Hutt-sized, I’ve taken my trigger shot, and my retrieval is on schedule for Tuesday morning.  However, to make things interesting, I’m taking bets on how many eggs they’ll get out of me this time.

Relevant information so you can make informed gambling choices :
–Eggs produced per cycle: #1: 18 eggs; #2: 17 eggs; #3: 49 eggs
–I’m on the same type of medication as Cycle 3, however at a lower dosage
–I seem to be producing more follicles than Cycle 3
–I’ve eaten way more McGriddles during this cycle than any previous one

What’s the prize for a correct guess, you ask?  I’m not sure yet.  Whatever’s in my spare change jar?  A McGriddle? A hand-knit reproduction of my uterus?  Maybe all three at once!

So what are you waiting for?  *Banzai Guy’s Voice* PLACE BETS NOW!

Some people likened Banzai to an Asian minstrel show. Those people were not invited to our Banzai Drinking Game nights.

Bets Thus Far
Tyler E: 34
Erik N: 32
Trevor P: 56
Jason W: 44
Steve E: 42
Joe K: 29 (O ye of little faith.)
Sean O: 37
Tamra M: 58
David G: 59 (He can feel it.)
Jon K: 52
Rebecca S: 43
Paul S: 38
Esther H: 36
Lee P:50

It’s been months, my friends!  Much has happened both in my personal life and my reproduction-for-profit life!

I’ve had a nice, long break since my last cycle.  I’ve been doing photo shoots, auditioning, and I even got to take a trip to Maui, where I consumed more mai tais than you can shake a stick at.  Yesterday, I celebrated one whole year living in L.A.!  All in all, my body, mind, and spirit have had a good few months to recharge before getting down to business with my next cycles.

My next cycle, which will be my fourth, is with the same clinic that I worked with last time.  I think the couple is from Europe and will be flying to LA for the procedure.  I really wish that they would fork up the money to fly me over there instead, but oh well.  Currently I’m bogged down in getting legal all cleared so that I can start drugs within the next two weeks or so.

Today, I got confirmation on a match for a fifth cycle.  I’ll be getting to travel for this one…to Arizona!  I’m excited for a paid mini-vacation to Arizona, which Google Image Search tells me is the land of….cacti!

1000 Needles Attack!

Scorpions!

I like to pinch.

Racial profiling!

Wheemp whomp.

…woman…tours…?!

Hope you packed your red tent.

I can’t wait!