November 2012


Follitropin Alfa (“Gonal F”)

A human follicle-stimulating hormone preparation of recombinant DNA origin.  Stimulates the growth and recruitment (ten-hut!) of immature ovarian follicles.

Human Menopausal Gonadotropin (“Menopur”)

Luteinizing hormone, human chorionic gonadotropin, and follicle-stimulating hormone recombinant extracted from the urine of postmenopausal women (yup). Used to stimulate the development of multiple eggs.

Side Effects
a.k.a Everything I Arbitrarily Blame on Fertility
 Meds

— Headache
— Fatigue
— Loss of appetite
— Surprise vomiting
— Days-long bouts of hiccups
— Extreme desire for wine
— Camel-like ability to store water
— Feelings of empathy towards pufferfish
— Irrational and all-consuming desire to procreate
— Weight gain that follows no predictable rhyme, reason, or pattern
— Being forced to downgrade to girl pushups
— Watching Gone with the Wind and crying
— Watching Fight Club and crying
— Getting majorly pissed off at minor obstacles (e.g. any line containing more than two persons, objects heavier than 15 pounds, temperature shifts of more than 2 degrees)

You can see why I’ve been trying to sequester myself away as much as possible.  No one wants to hang out with me when I’m in a constant state of Alan Rickman.

The price of being virile

The price of being virile

(Bidding pool for HALF BABY-MAKE VACUUM UP GAME 4.0 opens tomorrow morning.)

On October 2nd, 2011, I woke up to a notification from my phone.  It was an email telling me that one of my egg recipients had just given birth to a baby girl.

I’d never received this much information about the outcome of any egg cycle I’d ever done.  Sometimes they would let me know if an egg had implanted successfully, but that was generally the last I would hear of it.  This news bowled me over.  Sure, I’ve done this 6 times.  In the abstract, I have complete mental absorption and acceptance of the fact that I’m helping someone produce a baby.  But here was definitive, undeniable proof that I’d had a hand in putting another human being on this earth.  I’ve made my genetic mark.

It was a pretty moving moment.

Or maybe it was just really early in the morning, and my limited brain was easily impressed with such notions.

Over a year later, I am now embarking on my very last egg donor cycle.   I’m donating once again to this same couple.  They’ll be freezing my eggs, implanting them at a later date in the hopes of producing a biological sibling for their daughter.  Words cannot express how honored I am to help this family grow.

Phew…okay, that’s done.  Let’s get back to the regular, ol’ sarcastic Eggbot that you all know and love!

Family decal

I’m gonna plaster the rear window of my car with 200 zygote stickers.

That’s right, folks.  It’s lucky cycle number 7!  Normally the cut-off for donors is 6 cycles, but the doctors made an exception for me since I’m donating to the same family.  I thought that the 6 cycle limit would be due to health concerns and hormone overload, but actually the primary reason they give is a concern that your genes would flood the market.  Apparently, they are savvy to my plan of very slow, subtle world domination and via genetic saturation.

My retrieval is tentatively scheduled for December 3rd, starting stimulation medication on Thanksgiving. (This year, I’m thankful for gonadotropin-releasing hormone analogs.)

In the meantime, I’m back to my usual regimen of nightly injections of Lupron to regulate my ovarian function and hormone levels.  It was a little weird getting back into the swing of things…having to needle myself in the stomach every night.  But it’s okay, because this time, I have the “Ultra Comfort” needles!

I’d hate to experience the “Regular Comfort” ones.

I recently did a little research on Lupron (officially known as leuprolide acetate) and found some surprising facts.  It is not, as I believed, used primarily for fertility and IVF.  It’s actually more commonly prescribed for men, though from what I gather, you’re probably not a happy camper if your doctor puts you on it.  Today, I am going to leave you with the ever-popular series…..

Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Lupron (But Never Previously Had Access To A Fertility-Themed Blog To Read About It):

— It is most commonly used to treat hormone-responsive cancers, such as prostate cancer
— Can be used to treat precocious puberty (I was under the impression that was just called “puberty”.)
— Effectively lowers sexual urges in pedophiles and those with other paraphilias.  High doses can cause chemical castration.
— Leuprolide-based prostate cancer therapy in conjunction with radiation has been shown to result in a statistically significant shortening of the penis.  The average result? A 2.2-inch decrease in length.  Guys, if that doesn’t convince you to start screening for prostate cancer, I don’t know what will.