Follitropin Alfa (“Gonal F”)

A human follicle-stimulating hormone preparation of recombinant DNA origin.  Stimulates the growth and recruitment (ten-hut!) of immature ovarian follicles.

Human Menopausal Gonadotropin (“Menopur”)

Luteinizing hormone, human chorionic gonadotropin, and follicle-stimulating hormone recombinant extracted from the urine of postmenopausal women (yup). Used to stimulate the development of multiple eggs.

Side Effects
a.k.a Everything I Arbitrarily Blame on Fertility
 Meds

— Headache
— Fatigue
— Loss of appetite
— Surprise vomiting
— Days-long bouts of hiccups
— Extreme desire for wine
— Camel-like ability to store water
— Feelings of empathy towards pufferfish
— Irrational and all-consuming desire to procreate
— Weight gain that follows no predictable rhyme, reason, or pattern
— Being forced to downgrade to girl pushups
— Watching Gone with the Wind and crying
— Watching Fight Club and crying
— Getting majorly pissed off at minor obstacles (e.g. any line containing more than two persons, objects heavier than 15 pounds, temperature shifts of more than 2 degrees)

You can see why I’ve been trying to sequester myself away as much as possible.  No one wants to hang out with me when I’m in a constant state of Alan Rickman.

The price of being virile

The price of being virile

(Bidding pool for HALF BABY-MAKE VACUUM UP GAME 4.0 opens tomorrow morning.)