Cycle 7

Hello my lovelies!  My egg retrieval was a great success; no major hiccups or anything.  I’m currently in between painkillers right now, so rather uncomfortable, but I wanted to be coherent enough to reveal the winner.

They managed to capture 31 eggs!  That’s considerably below my normal output, but still quite above the standard average.  It brings my total donated egg count to 266.  That’s a lot of potential babies.

Bill R. is the winner! As well as a lovely director, actor, and good friend.

(Aggh, Paul, you were so close.)

Bill, hit me up whenever you can to see about getting your prize and going out for drinks.  It’s been far too long since we’ve seen each other!

To the rest of you, thank you for playing, reading, encouraging, supporting, and dryly joking along with me through this whole process.

I’m gonna go back to a nice narcotic nap.

Happy Egg Harvest Day!


At my appointment this morning, the doctor officially scheduled my retrieval for the 3rd at 8am.  I’ll be taking my trigger shot tonight at 9:30pm, then reporting for duty at 7am Monday morning.  The harvest moon rises in less than 48 hours, and you know what that means….

Come one, come all!  It’s….


"Ms. Too Many Eggs"

“Ms. Too Many Eggs”

Switching it up with the naming scheme this year.  Once again, it’s time to place your bets for the number of eggs I will produce.

Our winner last year was the venerable Joe K.  Joe’s awesome hand-knit prize is unfortunately still residing with me, as he is currently sequestered away in Japan teaching/scaring small children.  (Love you and miss you, Joe.)

I”m sure most of you know how the game is played, but here’s a recap.  A list? Let’s!

–The lucky winner who guesses the correct number will receive a mystery prize from yours truly.  I can’t go into too many specifics about the prize, but it definitely will not suck. If you’re in my neighborhood, I’ll take you out for drinks on top of it all.
–Price is Right rules apply.
— Betting pool opens at the time of publication of this blog post and closes at 8am on Monday the 3rd.
— Bids accepted through text msg, email, facebook, twitter, carrier pigeon, candy gram, or any other communication method of your choice

Here’s some insider information to help you out:

–Eggs produced per cycle: #1: 18 eggs; #2: 17 eggs; #3: 49 eggs, #4: 53 eggs, #5 43 eggs, #6: 55 eggs
— Mean average per cycle: 39
— Ultrasounds show about 10-15 mature follicles per side
— It’s been over a year since my last cycle.  I don’t know if that means my reproductive organs have been lying fallow and will now be more fruitful than ever, or if it means that they’ve been out of training for a year and will subsequently fail all the tests required to become a OO agent.

You’ve got the rules, the clues, the knowledge, and the power!


Jason W: 43
Paul S: 32
Ben D: 65
Steve E: 37
Chris E: 44
April H: 57
Joe K: 29
Jesse F: 27
William H: 17
Brittany B: 42
Jake P: 52
Bill R30
Brandon C: 47
Anderson W48
Tamra M: 59
Darlington S: 50
Hamlet D: 53

Follitropin Alfa (“Gonal F”)

A human follicle-stimulating hormone preparation of recombinant DNA origin.  Stimulates the growth and recruitment (ten-hut!) of immature ovarian follicles.

Human Menopausal Gonadotropin (“Menopur”)

Luteinizing hormone, human chorionic gonadotropin, and follicle-stimulating hormone recombinant extracted from the urine of postmenopausal women (yup). Used to stimulate the development of multiple eggs.

Side Effects
a.k.a Everything I Arbitrarily Blame on Fertility

— Headache
— Fatigue
— Loss of appetite
— Surprise vomiting
— Days-long bouts of hiccups
— Extreme desire for wine
— Camel-like ability to store water
— Feelings of empathy towards pufferfish
— Irrational and all-consuming desire to procreate
— Weight gain that follows no predictable rhyme, reason, or pattern
— Being forced to downgrade to girl pushups
— Watching Gone with the Wind and crying
— Watching Fight Club and crying
— Getting majorly pissed off at minor obstacles (e.g. any line containing more than two persons, objects heavier than 15 pounds, temperature shifts of more than 2 degrees)

You can see why I’ve been trying to sequester myself away as much as possible.  No one wants to hang out with me when I’m in a constant state of Alan Rickman.

The price of being virile

The price of being virile

(Bidding pool for HALF BABY-MAKE VACUUM UP GAME 4.0 opens tomorrow morning.)

On October 2nd, 2011, I woke up to a notification from my phone.  It was an email telling me that one of my egg recipients had just given birth to a baby girl.

I’d never received this much information about the outcome of any egg cycle I’d ever done.  Sometimes they would let me know if an egg had implanted successfully, but that was generally the last I would hear of it.  This news bowled me over.  Sure, I’ve done this 6 times.  In the abstract, I have complete mental absorption and acceptance of the fact that I’m helping someone produce a baby.  But here was definitive, undeniable proof that I’d had a hand in putting another human being on this earth.  I’ve made my genetic mark.

It was a pretty moving moment.

Or maybe it was just really early in the morning, and my limited brain was easily impressed with such notions.

Over a year later, I am now embarking on my very last egg donor cycle.   I’m donating once again to this same couple.  They’ll be freezing my eggs, implanting them at a later date in the hopes of producing a biological sibling for their daughter.  Words cannot express how honored I am to help this family grow.

Phew…okay, that’s done.  Let’s get back to the regular, ol’ sarcastic Eggbot that you all know and love!

Family decal

I’m gonna plaster the rear window of my car with 200 zygote stickers.

That’s right, folks.  It’s lucky cycle number 7!  Normally the cut-off for donors is 6 cycles, but the doctors made an exception for me since I’m donating to the same family.  I thought that the 6 cycle limit would be due to health concerns and hormone overload, but actually the primary reason they give is a concern that your genes would flood the market.  Apparently, they are savvy to my plan of very slow, subtle world domination and via genetic saturation.

My retrieval is tentatively scheduled for December 3rd, starting stimulation medication on Thanksgiving. (This year, I’m thankful for gonadotropin-releasing hormone analogs.)

In the meantime, I’m back to my usual regimen of nightly injections of Lupron to regulate my ovarian function and hormone levels.  It was a little weird getting back into the swing of things…having to needle myself in the stomach every night.  But it’s okay, because this time, I have the “Ultra Comfort” needles!

I’d hate to experience the “Regular Comfort” ones.

I recently did a little research on Lupron (officially known as leuprolide acetate) and found some surprising facts.  It is not, as I believed, used primarily for fertility and IVF.  It’s actually more commonly prescribed for men, though from what I gather, you’re probably not a happy camper if your doctor puts you on it.  Today, I am going to leave you with the ever-popular series…..

Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Lupron (But Never Previously Had Access To A Fertility-Themed Blog To Read About It):

— It is most commonly used to treat hormone-responsive cancers, such as prostate cancer
— Can be used to treat precocious puberty (I was under the impression that was just called “puberty”.)
— Effectively lowers sexual urges in pedophiles and those with other paraphilias.  High doses can cause chemical castration.
— Leuprolide-based prostate cancer therapy in conjunction with radiation has been shown to result in a statistically significant shortening of the penis.  The average result? A 2.2-inch decrease in length.  Guys, if that doesn’t convince you to start screening for prostate cancer, I don’t know what will.