Gambling


At my appointment this morning, the doctor officially scheduled my retrieval for the 3rd at 8am.  I’ll be taking my trigger shot tonight at 9:30pm, then reporting for duty at 7am Monday morning.  The harvest moon rises in less than 48 hours, and you know what that means….

Come one, come all!  It’s….

FERTILITY-BETTING-THEMED ASIAN MINSTREL SHOW KNOCK OFF GOOD TIMES!

"Ms. Too Many Eggs"

“Ms. Too Many Eggs”

Switching it up with the naming scheme this year.  Once again, it’s time to place your bets for the number of eggs I will produce.

Our winner last year was the venerable Joe K.  Joe’s awesome hand-knit prize is unfortunately still residing with me, as he is currently sequestered away in Japan teaching/scaring small children.  (Love you and miss you, Joe.)

I”m sure most of you know how the game is played, but here’s a recap.  A list? Let’s!

–The lucky winner who guesses the correct number will receive a mystery prize from yours truly.  I can’t go into too many specifics about the prize, but it definitely will not suck. If you’re in my neighborhood, I’ll take you out for drinks on top of it all.
–Price is Right rules apply.
— Betting pool opens at the time of publication of this blog post and closes at 8am on Monday the 3rd.
— Bids accepted through text msg, email, facebook, twitter, carrier pigeon, candy gram, or any other communication method of your choice

Here’s some insider information to help you out:

–Eggs produced per cycle: #1: 18 eggs; #2: 17 eggs; #3: 49 eggs, #4: 53 eggs, #5 43 eggs, #6: 55 eggs
— Mean average per cycle: 39
— Ultrasounds show about 10-15 mature follicles per side
— It’s been over a year since my last cycle.  I don’t know if that means my reproductive organs have been lying fallow and will now be more fruitful than ever, or if it means that they’ve been out of training for a year and will subsequently fail all the tests required to become a OO agent.

You’ve got the rules, the clues, the knowledge, and the power!

PLACE BETS NOW

Jason W: 43
Paul S: 32
Ben D: 65
Steve E: 37
Chris E: 44
April H: 57
Joe K: 29
Jesse F: 27
William H: 17
Brittany B: 42
Jake P: 52
Bill R30
Brandon C: 47
Anderson W48
Tamra M: 59
Darlington S: 50
Hamlet D: 53

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Alright kids, it’s that time again!

HALF BABY-MAKE VACUUM UP GAME 3.0!!

Unofficially endorsed by Lady Gaga. Bad photoshop not attributable to me.

Our winner last time was Paige E., who still hasn’t told me what kind of knit and possibly reproduction-related product she wants to put on her body.  Hit me up, Paige!

You guys know what to do.  Here comes a list!

–Price is Right rules apply.
–Eggs produced per cycle: #1: 18 eggs; #2: 17 eggs; #3: 49 eggs, #4: 53 eggs, #5 43 eggs
–I’m on approximately the same dosage levels as my last cycle
–I’m rockin’ about 20-30 follicles.
–Two nights ago, I belly danced to fast songs for 22 minutes straight, completely against doctor’s orders.  While I feel the same as I did before dancing, a few little scoundrels mighta gotten knocked loose.

You’ve got the knowledge, and knowledge is power.  Use that power for good.  And for eggs.  And knit goods.

Steve E: 48 (insists that this is the winning number exactly)
Lee P: 27
Erik N: 42
April CH: 39
Tamra M: 32
Ben D: 40
Jason W: 37
Joe K: 54
Ben B: 45
Trevor P: 20
Paul S: 23

So I’ve been pretty lax about keeping this updated on my egg-news.  As my next retrieval is happening on Tuesday, it got a little too late to try to write 5 new blog posts about all the interesting stuff that’s been happening.  Ultimately though, I know you people probably don’t care about that.  But what you do care about is….

HALF BABY-MAKE VACUUM UP GAME 2.0!

That’s right.   Since it was so popular last time, we’re bringing you more betting, more hand-knit prizes, and more pictures of the Banzai guy’s face.

In your face.

Our winner last time was Jon K., who immediately requested the knit version of my uterus, except in hat form.  He specifically wanted the fallopian tubes to be reaching down to tickle his ears.  Did I ever manage to find time in my busy schedule of acting, modeling, egging, and video gaming to make such a hat?  Of course I did!"Everyone should have a uterus.  Anything else would be uncivilized." -- Jon K.

“Everyone should have a uterus.  Anything else would be uncivilized.” — Jon K.

Now why in God’s name would you want to miss out on winning something like that?

Just like last time, Price is Right rules apply. To help you out, here are a few clues:

–Eggs produced per cycle: #1: 18 eggs; #2: 17 eggs; #3: 49 eggs, #4: 53 eggs
–I’m on an entirely different stimulation medication, though with similar doses
–In a baffling display of self-control, I’ve only eaten ONE McGriddle this entire cycle.
–Once again, the doctors are attempting to reign in the all-consuming, egg-producing beasts that are my ovaries, and they would ideally like to get fewer eggs than my last cycle.
–The night that I started my medication, I had a dream that Charo and I were on a mission to blow up the IRS building.

You’ve got the rules, the clues, and the power.  PLACE BETS NOW!!

Bets Thus Far
Erik N: 39
Trevor P: 28
Paul S: 77 (high roller!)
April CH: 41
Ben D: 68
Paige E: 42
Brittainy B: 45
Joe K: 52
Brad K: 65
Christine C: 20
Steve E: 37
Ben B: 40

I’m gonna see if I can crank out this blog post before the narcotic painkiller I just popped kicks in.  READY! GO!

I am very pleased to announce that Jon K is the lucky winner!  They retrieved a whopping 53 eggs!  That’s right, people.  I will beat personal records for human caviar production any day of the week.  My thanks to everyone who decided to play. Under the influence of my anesthesia cocktail, I apparently told my nurse about the betting pool like three or four times.  She was fortunately quite patient with me.

Anyway, Jon has quite vehemently insisted that I make the knit uterus into a hat, which should be easy to do with a few tweaks to the pattern.  My only request is that he sends some pictures of himself adorned with said hat.

Next post will probably be a while from now, once I find out more details about being shipped off to Arizona.  Until then…

Happy Egg Harvest Day!

Amigurumi!

I am a genius when it comes to making eggs.

Seriously.  All the doctors at the fertility clinic are impressed.  For this cycle they’ve been consistently reducing my stimulation medication, seemingly to no avail, as my ovaries are hell bent on pumping out follicles at a mean rate.  I’m on the lowest dosage of stim meds of all my cycles but still producing more follicles than before. If human ova were a viable food source, I could probably turn things around for Somalia.  I wish they gave out awards for such things.

Anyway, it’s the same story you’ve all heard before.  My ovaries are Hutt-sized, I’ve taken my trigger shot, and my retrieval is on schedule for Tuesday morning.  However, to make things interesting, I’m taking bets on how many eggs they’ll get out of me this time.

Relevant information so you can make informed gambling choices :
–Eggs produced per cycle: #1: 18 eggs; #2: 17 eggs; #3: 49 eggs
–I’m on the same type of medication as Cycle 3, however at a lower dosage
–I seem to be producing more follicles than Cycle 3
–I’ve eaten way more McGriddles during this cycle than any previous one

What’s the prize for a correct guess, you ask?  I’m not sure yet.  Whatever’s in my spare change jar?  A McGriddle? A hand-knit reproduction of my uterus?  Maybe all three at once!

So what are you waiting for?  *Banzai Guy’s Voice* PLACE BETS NOW!

Some people likened Banzai to an Asian minstrel show. Those people were not invited to our Banzai Drinking Game nights.

Bets Thus Far
Tyler E: 34
Erik N: 32
Trevor P: 56
Jason W: 44
Steve E: 42
Joe K: 29 (O ye of little faith.)
Sean O: 37
Tamra M: 58
David G: 59 (He can feel it.)
Jon K: 52
Rebecca S: 43
Paul S: 38
Esther H: 36
Lee P:50